So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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