Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
