Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Randomize
