Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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