there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
