remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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