Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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