Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
