He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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