there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
