Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
