I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
