You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
