Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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