i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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