I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
