It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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