Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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