I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
