It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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