Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
