distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
