I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
