Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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