I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
