I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
