this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
