Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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