I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
