awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think your dad took our porno
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
