..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
