you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
