Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
