Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
