all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
