im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
