You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
