So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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