if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
