You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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