Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
