my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
