We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
