when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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