; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
