Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
