so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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