Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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