in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
