Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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