I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
