In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
