my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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