Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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