She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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